:: Dain's blog of eternal stench. ::

:: Saturday, June 29, 2002 ::

Are you PINK or EVIL?!

:O

EEEEEEEEE!!! MANA-SAMA AND KYO-SAMA! *squeals like a little schoolgirl*

They're from Malice Mizer, and Dir en Grey respectively :D

Me and my japanese music obsession :D

Anyway, other quizzes.





Take the Disney Villain Test Now!!
:: Dain 9:24 PM [+] ::
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I'm seriously feeling this song... Motto Tsuyoku Dakishimeta nara. It's by WANDS.

Sukoshi dake tsumetai kaze ga fuku
Yuugure no kaeri michi kata yosete aruita
Kaiwa sae togireta mama datta ne
Takanaru mune to tada komi ageteku omoi osaete

Motto tsuyoku kimi wo dakishimeta nara
Mou hoka ni sagasu mono wa nai
Kisetsu wa mata meguri yuku keredo
Kawaranai futari dake wa

Kono machi ni furidashita ame sae
Kimi wo omou toki yawaraka na yasashisa ni naru

Samishige na me wo shiteta kimi dakara
Kitto wakaru ne, kakegaenonai mono
Kono mama de toki ga tomareba ii to
Kimi wa iu keredo nani hitotsu osoreru koto wa nai

Motto tsuyoku kimi wo dakishimeta nara
Mou futari mayou koto wa nai
Afureta namida mo nemurenu yoru mo
Wasurenai itsu no hi nimo

Kono machi ni natsukashii kaze ga fuku
Soshite mouichodo arukitai, onaji toki wo

Motto tsuyoku kimi wo dakishimeta nara
Mou hoka ni sagasu mono wa nai
Kisetsu wa mata meguri yuku keredo
Kawaranai futari dake wa

Motto tsuyoku kimi wo dakishimeta nara
Mou futari mayou koto wa nai
Afureta namida mo nemurenu yoru mo
Wasurenai itsu no hi nimo

Kono machi ni natsukashii kaze ga fuku
Soshite mouichodo arukitai, onaji toki wo

And the english Translation:

A slightly chilling wind blows
On the evening walk home, we were shoulder to shoulder
Even our conversation was at a stand-still
As I suppressed my beating heart and welling emotions

If I had held onto you more tightly
I would have nothing else to search for
Though the seasons come around again
We alone would not change

Even the rain that comes falling in this town
When I think of you, becomes soft gentleness

You made such lonely eyes
I'm sure you know, that you're irreplacable to me
"It would be nice if time would stop as it is now"
Though you say it, there's not a single thing to fear

If I had held onto you more tightly
The two of us wouldn't wander any longer
Those overflowing tears, and sleepless nights
I won't forget, no matter what day it may be

In this town, a nostalgic wind blows
And I want to walk once more in that same time

If I had held onto you more tightly
I would have nothing else to search for
Though the seasons come around again
We alone would not change

If I had held onto you more tightly
The two of us wouldn't wander any longer
Those overflowing tears, and sleepless nights
I won't forget, no matter what day it may be

In this town, a nostalgic wind blows
And I want to walk once more in that same time

:: Dain 5:54 PM [+] ::
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Heather called me last night... we talked on the phone for like.. 2 hours about all kinds of things. From my evil childhood.. to "ugly balls".. to my horrible luck with relationships... It cheered me up enough that I could sleep... so thanks Heath.

Of course, I woke up all depressed again... And there's some things that I really want to ask Tegan. Just finally get them answered.

Apparently she's feeling remorse for hurting me again... she knew I still wanted to go out with her. I told her I did. We were walking down to Mac's, and one of the street lights turned off as we were walking, to which I said "The street lights hate me." (they always turn off when I walk past them... 2 of them on Park street.. always turn off).. she responded "No, they like you. They're trying to create a romantic mood. They think you're still trying to convince me to go out with you." to which I responded.. "but I am still trying..."

Whether or not that registered in her mind, she didn't say anything about it after that...

So of course I'm hurt. She knew I still had feelings for her and still wanted to go out with her... Was it not enough that she broke my heart, but she had to crush the single ray of hope that I had for mending said broken heart as well?

I dunno.... I'm just.. really fucking depressed today... and really fucking bitter... I just feel so fucking empty.. like nothing at all matters anymore.

Optimism just leads to pain for me.
:: Dain 3:17 PM [+] ::
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...

Suddenly, my entire body just feels.. limp. It's taking an amazing effort just to type this...

Yes, I still loved her. And I never did actually tell her that to her face.

Of course, all I can do now is just be happy for her, and be a good friend to her....

But every time I see her, I just get this feeling that I want to just hold her and never let go... just.. I don't even know anymore...

It feels as though I know absolutely nothing... Sure, I have a vast vocabulary, and an immense knowledge of how things work... but.. the things that really matter... I know nothing about.

Why does everyone around me always luck out, and I'm stuck with nothing? Love isn't fate... it's chance. You throw the dice, and 90% of the time you end up with craps. You can play your cards right all the time, but the dealer will always cheat you out of your money... The roulette wheel is rigged, and there's aces up his sleeve.

Black Diamonds. Black Hearts. I don't even know what to think anymore. Right now it's all just coming out in a flood of emotions. Mostly negative. Imaginary numbers. I feel so serene... Like death has caught up with me, and we're sharing a beer over some sports game that neither of us really care about. It's like I'm ... like I'm... Damnit, I need a cigarette...

I want to cry, but it seems that the tears just won't come out. The tension welling up in my face, my eyes, just waiting to escape... but it just can't.

I feel as though my life has just been turned upside down, thrown to the side of the road and left for dead in a ditch just outside of Des Moines, Iowa. My heart torn out and used to smuggle drugs to Columbia and back. I'm not even thinking about what I'm typing.. it's just coming out... all coming out... Every little thing I've kept inside me for years, trying to escape my body.. my mind.. my soul... But there's no one here to say it to... And no one anywhere to say it to...

I need to get things off my chest... please... someone just surprise me... come over and ask me to talk about it. I just don't feel like leaving the vicinity of my house right now...

And to those who care about me: If I ever tell you I want to die... don't let me. It's only a momentary thing, and 'll get over it. Too many people would get hurt if I did it, and I'd never want that to happen...

To anyone I may have wronged or imposed upon, I'm sorry. I don't even know if I've ever done that... but I'm sorry anyway.

I need someone who can understand me... understand the things that go thorugh my mind and accept them... whether they are just a friend.. or more than that... I just need that in my life...

...please.
:: Dain 11:15 PM [+] ::
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This is from a discussion I had with someone earlier on a forum. It actually got me thinking, and I'd just like to share it with those who read this.

quote:

Originally posted by Human_Fighter It seems true that God did create man in his own image. We have a wide variety of emotions and feelings, we think and believe, we are good and bad. Not only these things, but we also have the urge to advance. Even if their seems to be no particular reason.

Well, that all depends on your interpretation of God, really. If, for instance, Bob believed God was a giant pink gummy bear with Bipolar disorder who fed on the blood of Twinkies, he wouldn't believe we were created in God's image.


But for the sake of this topic, I'll assume we're talking about the God that is referenced in the Judeo-Christian religions.

quote:

As human beings advance in biological technology and life in general, we are also toying with life. We are now creating life in our own image. Having complete control and order over what they do. A so called Declaration of Independence from God. One of the few things we are struggling on though is giving the life (organic or inorganic) we made free will. We can't seem to grasp it just yet. But eventually we will.

Yes, we create life, and this is all human nature. We always strive to be superior to whatever else we come across, which stems from the animalistic nature of our beginnings. In a sense, if God is doing the same thing, it implies that he is actually quite feral.

quote:

But what does it mean when humanity has become gods ourselves? Not refering to the God, but rather we are a god. Is this our purpose?

It means wwe're toying with nature. It means we don't like the way things developed (or were created) for us, so we decide to change it all to suit us better. We ARE attempting to be God. And it's probably not going to do anything good in the long run.

quote:

The second one is much more interesting. Humanity reaches its goal in life. Meaning there are no wars, cures for every diseases, no crimes, a 100% contraception no poverty, and a single unifed world. One government, one language, and everyone is educated. Without these things, religion would die. There is no longer a real need for it. Hope and faith is unnecesary when there is nothing to fear. But isn't life supposed to be full of pain and suffering? These conflicts with ourselves and evil is what makes us individuals. Without the bad the good is meaningless.

Maybe, just maybe, this is what God wants. He wants us to develop on our own and stop relying on Him as a security blanket or a scapegoat for our own actions. Maybe He wants us to stop believing in Him. As some people believe, when a deity has no followers, this deity dies. Perhaps that's what God wants. To die.

Of course, this is just my interpretation of what's happening, speaking from an agnostic and purely hypothetical point of view.

:: Dain 5:56 PM [+] ::
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Yay! A quiz Kei sent me! So I filled it out all silly-like and serious-like.

FULL NAME: Ezekiel Methusela Castrostein. (Yeah, like I'm going to be serious :D)
NICKNAMES: Dain, Dainish, Dainita, Kinkyaide, Hey You!, and Cheesebrain
AGE: 19 (almost 20!)
STARSIGN: Joan Rivers. *rimshot* Libra.
NATIONALITY: Half British, Half Canadian.
HOME TOWN: Vatican City (You don't get to know where I live :P)
RELIGION: Agnosticism.
SIBILINGS: Jess (the younger sis), and my half-sister who's married and has 2 kids, Christy.
SCHOOL: School?
HEIGHT: 5'6". I'm short.
WEIGHT: Last time I measured, 110 lbs. I'm like.. frikkin Ghandi
EYE COLOR: grey
HAIR COLOR: lightish brownyish colorish.
FAVOURITE BEVERAGE: Coffee, or Coke.
FAVOURITE FOOD: Kraft Dinner. I kid you not.
FAVOURITE KIND OF FOOD: Anything I can cook in under 3 minutes.
FAVOURITE FRUIT: Boy George!
FAVOURITE VEGGIE: Myself!
FAVOURITE ICE CREAM: Coffee!
FAVOURITE FOOD CHAIN: Guano Bell!... in reality, Pizza Pizza. Non-greasy pizza, and bacon double cheeseburger pizza... mmm... Damn, I'm broke...
FAVOURITE HOLIDAY: Winter Solstice! Just 'cause I refuse to celebrate Christian holidays.
FAVOURITE DESTINATION: Anywhere but here.
FAVOURITE TV SHOW: TV?
FAVOURITE MOVIES: The Crow. Definitely the Crow.
FAVOURITE ACTOR: Bronson Pinchot, Gary Coleman, and the late Jim Varney XD
FAVOURITE BAND: Right now... uhh... it's a tossup between Dir en Grey and Pearl Jam
FAVOURITE SINGER: David Bowie, Gackt, Klaha (of the last era of Malice Mizer) or Kyo (of Dir en Grey)
SOUND TRACK OF YOUR LIFE: Spin Doctors - Pocket Full of Kryptonite.
FAVOURITE BOARD GAME: Trivial Pursuit. Just because the name described it perfectly.
FAVOURITE SMELLS: Anything but the entire house after my sister's friends are done with it. (ie. House reeks of pot.)
FAVOURITE FEELING IN THE WORLD: That complete and total lack of feeling you get in your arm when you wake up and find out you slept on it last night. (I woke up like that this morn... afternoon)
FAVOURITE THINGS TO DO ON WEEKENDS: SIT AROUND AND PLAY VIDEO GAMES BECAUSE ONLY ONE PERSON EVER INVITES ME TO HANG OUT WITH THEM! :P
FAVOURITE SPORT: Ping-Pong played while standing on the table. Or post-game soccer rioting.
FAVOURITE MONTH: December! (Despite the complete and total lack of heat)
FAVOURITE DAY OF THE WEEK: There's days of the week now?
FAVOURITE GUYS COLOGNE: Eau de BO. (I dunnae wear cologne :P)
FAVOURITE COLOUR: Black, Blood Red, or PLAID!
FAVOURITE NUMBERS: 13, 47, 23, 9, 36 and 15. Play them as your lottery numbers. You're guaranteed to win. ;)
FAVOURITE SUBJECT: Lunch.
FAVOURITE BOOK: The Hitchhiker's guide to the Galaxy.
FAVOURITE AUTHOR: Kurt Vonnegut Jr., Isaac Asimov, and my Homie-G, muh-fuh'n Shakespeare.
FAVOURITE COMIC CHARACTERS: Scud, Drywall, Nny, Devi, and the Tick. Oh, and maybe Stainboy.
GREATEST FEAR: I don't know yet.
SLEEP WITH STUFFED ANIMALS: I used to, but then I lost them in the fire :/
THE FIRST THING TO DO WHEN WAKING UP IN THE MORNING: Get off my arm so I can move it again?
DO YOU GET CAR SICKNESS: Only if I read while driving.
ROLLER COASTERS--SCARY OR EXCITING: Both at the same time!
THUNDERSTORMS--COOL OR SCARY: They're quite relaxing, actually.
LIGHTING--INTERESTING OR TERRIFYING: Not at all terrifying. It's concentrated energy that's usually miles away. Sure, it'd be terrifying if it struck right beside you, but fat chance of that happening.
GOD--MAN OR WOMAN: Neither?
PEN OR PENCIL: Pencil first, then Pen.
STAY UP LATE OR WAKE UP LATE: Depends.
CARPET OR FLOORBOARDS: LINOLEUM TILES! .. kidding, I prefer Carpet.
COKE OR PEPSI: Coke. Pepsi = wussy cola.
ON THE PHONE OR IN PERSON: In person. Definitely in person.
THE GLASS IS HALF EMPTY OR HALF FULL: At just the right level to dump on the crotch of your friend's pants >:D
CAT OR DOG: I personally prefer cats. But they're not my favorite pet by far.
HAPPY AND POOR OR SAD AND RICH: Can I just be middle class and manic depressive?
:: Dain 3:30 AM [+] ::
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CLUMSY OR GRACEFUL: In between.
CURLY OR STRAIGHT HAIR: I've got Curly hair, and I hate it.
DAY OR NIGHT: Night is just so much better... and so much cooler... temperature-wise.
FAST OR SLOW: Depends on what I'm doing.
SUMMER OR RAINY DAYS: Rainy Days.
HUGS OR KISSES: Both! :D
RIGHTY, LEFTY, OR AMBIDEXTROUS: Right.
WANT TO GET MARRIED: Eventually.
HONEYMOON DESTINATION: The back seat of my car. HA!.. I kid. I'd never be that insolent. Probably Japan... or maybe San Francisco
WHO DO YOU WANT TO SPEND THE REST OF YOUR LIFE WITH: At this point, I'm not sure. I'll just say myself. I definitely don't want to lose myself.
CAN'T GO OUT OF DA HOUSE WITHOUT: Clothes on?
IF U COULD DYE YOUR HAIR WHAT COLOR WOULD IT BE: Orange and Pink! Like Kei from Dirty Pair!
IF U COULD HAVE A TATTOO WHERE AND WHAT WOULD IT BE: Lucifer on my right shoulder, probably Belial on my left.
ANY PIERCINGS: my left ear.
WHAT IS ON YOUR WALLS: Black paint.
TYPE WITH YOUR FINGERS ON THE RIGHT KEYS: Only if you ask nicely. And yeah, I do... somehow.
WHAT'S UNDER YOUR BED: The floor.
COLOUR OF YOUR TOOTHBRUSH: Umm.. Blue.
HAVE GOOD PARENTS: My mother, yes. My father... ehh.. let's not go there.
COMFORTABLE WITH YOURSELF: Two days ago I wasn't. Really. I hated everything about myself. Actually, I still do.
FUTURE DAUGHTER'S NAME: Roy.
FUTURE SON'S NAME: Petunia. (I'm not serious :P)
BELIEVE IN GOD: I don't personally believe in the magical old man living in the clouds who sends people to the fiery pits of burning hell where you'll roast and combust for all eternity... but he loves you!
BELIEVE IN THE BIBLE: There were a few funny parts in it. I'd give it a 6/10.
BELIEVE IN SANTA: See entry for God. Think about it.
LIKED SOMEONE WHO DIDN'T LIKE YOU BACK: Definitely.
KISSED IN FRONT OF YOUR PARENTS: Actually, I think I have.
WHO DO YOU FIRST GO TO FOR ADVICE: Absolutely no one.
DO YOU GET ALONG WITH YOUR SIBLINGS: Yes.
ARE YOU A GOOD FRIEND: I haven't been told otherwise, so I'd assume so.
ARE YOU IN LOVE: ... Yes.
BEEN IN LOVE: Yep.
FAILED A TEST YOU SWORE YOU WERE GOING TO PASS: Nope.
HURT ANOTHER'S FEELINGS ON PURPOSE: If I did, I've probably apologized at least 30 times for it.
BROKEN SOMEONE'S HEART: Not that I know of.
DO YOU HAVE A CELL PHONE: No. But if I did, it would use the intro from GLAY's "TWO BELL SILENCE" as the ringtone.
THE ONE SONG YOU HAVE IN YOUR HEAD AT THE MOMENT: Well, NOW I have Two Bell Silence in my head.
MARILYN MANSON OR DESTINY'S CHILD: If you ever catch me enjoying Destiny's Child, please shoot me. at least 5 times. And dump me in an ocean, just to make sure I'm dead.
WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME U SHOWERED: this morning.
WHAT SONG ARE YOU LISTENING TO RIGHT NOW: Dir en Grey - Berry. (Freaky, I tell you... FREAKY!)
WHAT IS YOUR COMPUTER DESK MADE OF: Hand-painted stone replicas of Human Bones (Oh, I only wish...) .. really though, it's made of Goatcheese.
WHAT IS THE LAST THING YOU ATE: A bowl of Marshmallow Froot Loops.
IF YOU WERE A CRAYON, WHAT COLOUR WOULD YOU BE: The one nobody ever uses :(
DO YOUE HAVE A LAVA LAMP: Nuh-uh.
HOW IS THE WEATHER RIGHT NOW: I think it just might be cloudy.
EVER SMOKED: Yes, still do.
EVER DRANK ALCOHOL: Yes, but not in a while.
EVER TOOK DRUGS: I'd never touch an illegal drug.
EVER WON ANY AWARDS: I was the Doom 2 Champion at this place on King street. And I came in second at a fishing competition a few years back.
DREAM GUY/GIRL: I'm just not sure anymore.
DREAM CAR: Anything that'll get me from Point A to Point B.
DREAM HOUSE: Something with a huge room that looks as though it was taken directly out of an M.C. Escher print. Complete with mannequins to make it look as though people are actually walking through the impossible doors and stairways.
YOU WEAR GLASSES: Never!
YOU WEAR CONTACTS: Nope.
WHO DO YOU CONSIDER TO BE YOUR CLOSE FRIENDS: Tegan, Sarah, Heath, and maybe Paul and Andrew. MAYBE.
WHAT DO U WANT 2 B LIKE WHEN U GROW UP: A LESBIAN! :D
LIKE TO DANCE: Only slow dancing.
WORST SICKNESS U EVER HAD: I was sick for about 2 days... no idea what it was. I just seem impervious to illness.
STUPIDEST THING U EVER DONE: Started Smoking, letting love slip through my fingers.
CHANGE ONE THING BOUT UR SELF, WAT IS IT: Absolutely nothing. Except maybe straightening my hair out, but that's not really that important... oh yeah, and my dorsal acne.
WHO DO U LIKE RIGHT NOW: Tegan.
WHAT DID YOU DO LAST NIGHT: I stayed on the computer until 4. Which it looks as though I'm doing again tonight.
HOW R U TODAY: PERKY!
LAST PERSON U TALKED TO ON THE PHONE: Tegan.
YOU LIKE THE PERSON WHO SENT THIS TO YOU: As a friend, yes. Kei = win. :D
WHAT DO YOU THINK OF THIS SURVEY: It's very...stuff-like.
MOST LIKELY TO RESPOND: I don't know? uhh... Heather or Tegan.
LEAST LIKELY TO RESPOND: hmm... Jim Varney, Elvis Presley, Jim Morrison, or Bronson Pinchot. The first 3 are dead, and who knows what happened to the last one.
:: Dain 3:30 AM [+] ::
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I just feel all... perky today. I dunno, it's weird. Last night I thought I'd be all depressed today, but I woke up in such a good mood that it's not funny.

YAY! HAPPY HAPPY FUN TIME!

So I'll just be insanely silly all day today, don't mind me :D
:: Dain 5:36 PM [+] ::
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My God it's been a long time since I've been on Bolt.com. But I went there again today in a fit of boredom, and trying to cheer myself up. Saw all my crazy tagbook questions... then made a new one! :D

I'm actually in a good mood now. But still feeling self-pity.
:: Dain 5:28 PM [+] ::
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Am I doomed to spend my life alone? Is this some curse set upon me for something I did or didn't do?

Why do I feel nothing but self-pity, rage, jealousy, depression, despondency and sadness? Why can't I be happy?

I feel as though no one cares about me... I've spent almost my entire life alone.. with no one to turn to.. no one who would understand me... One person I thought would understand me merely makes light of it all... which doesn't help at all...

They say actions speak louder than words. In my experience, I've found that to be false. Sure, they may speak louder, but they sure as hell don't speak clearly. I've never been a talkative person... I thought I could get through life expressing things through actions...

Yes, I may be an introvert... but I don't need a girlfriend who is an introvert herself... that wouldn't help at all... awkward silence followed by more awkward silence... it's just not my idea of a good relationship... I need someone who can speak their mind... and can inspire me to speak mine...

It's not what today is that's got me all depressed and introspective... it's what today would have been if things had only gone my way for once... but they didn't, as usual. Why am I so fucking optimistic? I know from experience that everything good in my life always turns to shit.

But it's all part of who I am... and the only thing I'd change about it is to not be alone... to have someone to love... someone whom I can be with...
:: Dain 9:27 PM [+] ::
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